I’m not sure how many times you’ve asked these same questions. It got old long ago yet we’re still here. We’re still doing the same shit on a different night. Even though we’re going no where I want nothing more. These are the years that I just want to be free. It’s been forever since we started this and I never want to let go. These drunken nights and broken bones are all we have to remind us of the best times. And I feel so empty when I’m away from it all. The lights, sights, and sounds. I want nothing more than to stay here forever and die happy. To be in this city of cut throats and hopeless fucks. And with the ones I call my friends I’ll stand tall and live fast. Standing above the rest with our faces towards the sun. These are the times I want to always remember. These are the times I want to forever live.


So this will be the first and hopefully the last time I do this. I don’t know why I’m even writing these words. You’ll never fucking see them and wouldn‘t care if you did. I’ve tried way to long and failed the same way every time. So much wasted time and I’ll never get it back. I’ve always said I wouldn’t quit but this is it. I’m tired of speaking the same lines every time we talk. And maybe you tried to be there, but it never showed. I know I’m only being hopeful with thoughts like that. You never gave a fuck and I should have known from the beginning. I guess that’s what being young and dumb is all about. Fuck making these same mistakes.

So tell me where the fuck we go from here. Cause I’ve been searching and I still can’t find my way outta this place. And I know we said that we’d always stand together but times fucking change, and you changed with them. I’ve written so long in your name that my fingers know what I want to say before I do. And maybe I changed too. Maybe I’m not the person you thought I’d end up being. But I’d never turn my back like you did. I’d never forget where the fuck I came from. Life was hard and it hasn’t gotten easier. I know we never had the time to grow up. But we’ve both woken up today and seen that time flew by. And yesterday we thought we were on top of the world. I’m done speaking up for our mistakes. It’s your turn to take the blame.

I told them it was the last time.
I swore aloud knowing I was lying.
I wish I could say this is the last song I’ll write.
I’m too weak when it comes to this.
So many days I’ve sworn you out of my life.
I thought this would never end.
I refused to allow myself to move on.
Stuck in the same moment forever.
There is no hope for us.
We’ve both seen what happens,
And we both know we’re fucked.
I said I could never move on.
That this shit would continue til the day I died.
I thought I was in this for the long run.
But here I stand.
And I’ll scream it til the fucking end.
I quit.

So fuck. Where do I go from here? I know where I want to be but fuck. I’m so far away from there. So fuck, I’m just lost like all the others.

Right or wrong I don’t give a fuck. This is all I fucking have and I’m never looking back. I’ve been beaten but I’m not going anywhere. This world can fall around me but I’ll stand tall. Been lost for too fucking long but now I have the one thing keeping me alive. Fuck everything in my way. This place can fall away. I have the best. Fuck the rest.

And maybe it’s just me but damn. I can’t seem to shake this. And I know it’s tearing me apart but I can’t seem to walk away. So fuck, I’ll keep trying and I’ll keep hoping one day I can do this. Until then all I know is what I have and nothing can fucking break us.

And I saw this collision coming from miles away. I put my head down and just buried the thoughts. I can never look into the eyes of failure. 20 fucking years and I still haven’t gone anywhere. I’ll stay locked up like this. I can never understand myself. Admit defeat and walk away. Turn away and pretend it’s not real. I’ll find myself in another. Get lost in a world of pretend. Nothing can ever be perfect. But I’ll just make believe what I’ll never have.

Slowly inhaling. This smoke fills my lungs And I know I’m dying away with the rest. Everyday is the same fucking way. Wake up to a world with no fucking heart. With eyes closed tightly we follow the blind. I wish for nothing more to escape. Running harder and harder to find what’s not there. We’ll never find a fucking thing. All this bullshit speak of a better tomorrow. There’s no where else for me and my fucked up youth to go. We’re lost in this ocean. Pulled out by the tide. And the waves crash down on us. But we’ll pretend everything is fine. Swimming harder, swimming faster, but we’re going no where way too fucking fast. We’ll continue drowning in this sea of shit.

Nights like these make me feel like we’ll fucking live forever.
There’s nothing to hold us back.
With you by my side the future is ours.
We stand together through it all.
Times like this make me wonder if we’ll always be this strong.
There’s no one to stand in our way.
Today is over and everyday is ours.
I’ll never look back to the days without you.
It’s us and I never want anything else.

20 fucking years and I still can’t shake this.
Been breaking down for far too fucking long.
I’ve spent each day wondering about things that’ll never come.
I’ve spent my life in search of what I still can’t find.
I try to sit and understand.
All this passes, leaving me numb.
And sometimes I'm not fucking sure.
But fuck.
Times like this fucking make me think I don't ever wanna fucking know.

Death to the happiness of fools.
Happiness for the death of those fooled.
1 million graves filled with hopes and dreams.
A shipyard of wrecked lives.
Lived in vain.
Lived in stupidity.
Lived in bleak nothingness.
I can stand on this mountain until time ends.
I can watch it and smile.
But I won’t be apart of it.
I can’t live in that fairy tale.
I won’t give it all for nothing.

Lets got to the sky where the everything matches your eyes. Its December, but it feels like hell here. I’m in this for everything. I know we will go nowhere. And my fingers won’t dial the number even though my mind wants to. I won’t call. You won’t know. I fell in my dreams last night and I still can’t get up. 12 years ago. 50 years from then. I’ll still be there. I’ll still not know. I’ll wonder. I’ll wander. I’ll stay lost. I saw what the best had to offer. I turned away for one moment and now its all over.

I will stand and watch as others I care for fall away.
I’ll except this self destruction of feelings.
We should have never pushed off something like this.
Now we wander in circles trying to find each other.
Lost in a maze we ourselves have created.
This world is no friend of yours.
We will forever walk around lost in ourselves.
Burn everything to feel alive for just one minute.
We will stab one another in the back as we whisper
the words “I love you” into the ears
of our family and friends.

Don’t ask why and question me. My beliefs are mine and what I stand for is what I believe. I have no use for morals dictated by ancient scrolls. Words written thousands of years by the scared and uneducated. I can’t be told I have no clue when it is you who follows blindly by unseen faith in something not there. I’d rather try to understand the unknown by trying to learn it, rather then explain everything in life due to an unseen creator. I won’t turn my back on what I don’t know, but rather listen to both sides and make a choice. I am not the closed minded one who takes a side and is too scared to try and challenge anything. I’ll laugh as you live your life in fear of nothing. None shall live forever in peace. We will live each day with some strife or fighting and I won’t follow the blind leading the deaf.

To never return, that’s what I’ll do.
Too blind to see the true meaning.
This is something you will never know anything of.
Sacrifices we’ve made but don’t know why.
Those days never made sense to us,
Yet we still wasted our time on prayers,
And long nights wondering why things never changed.
I won’t walk around with my eyes wide shut anymore.
To lie to myself is to lie to others.
I won’t be lead by invisible faith,
But instead by what keeps me living this life.
What I have is all I need.
No friend’s that are never there.
No god to fear and ask favors from.
One day at a time, many times each day.
I won’t ever lie to myself about something
Like that again.

Flashing lights.
Scattered ashes.
Spilt alcohol.
Lipstick on collars.
Lonely nights.
Sleep filled days.
Heads hung low.
Tears falling.
Laughs fading.
Dust flying.
Fists drawing.
Feet planted.
Smoke floating.
Youth wasted.